“Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.”

Jerry Seinfeld View all quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

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“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.” Jerry Seinfeld

“You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'” Jerry Seinfeld

“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.” Jerry Seinfeld