George Carlin

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam."

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Top George Carlin Quotes

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist."

"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that."

"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

"Weather forecast for tonight: dark."

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