Fran Lebowitz quotes

“When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“Polite conversation is rarely either.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“Andy Warhol made fame more famous.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“Humility is no substitute for a good personality.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“Nothing succeeds like address.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.”

— Fran Lebowitz

“My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.”

— Fran Lebowitz