Quotes

“When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.” William Claude Dukenfield

“It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.” William Claude Dukenfield

“I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.” William Claude Dukenfield

“It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.” William Claude Dukenfield

“I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.” William Claude Dukenfield

“I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.” William Claude Dukenfield

“The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?” William Claude Dukenfield

“I must have a drink of breakfast.” William Claude Dukenfield

“I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.” William Claude Dukenfield

“The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.” William Claude Dukenfield

“I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.” William Claude Dukenfield

“If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.” William Claude Dukenfield

“All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.” William Claude Dukenfield

“I drink therefore I am.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.” William Claude Dukenfield

“I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Never give a sucker an even break.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.” William Claude Dukenfield

“I never met a kid I liked.” William Claude Dukenfield

“There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.” William Claude Dukenfield