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“Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Curiosity, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.”
Ambrose Bierce
“In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Quotation: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.”
Ambrose Bierce
“To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.”
Ambrose Bierce
“There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.”
Ambrose Bierce
“The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.”
Ambrose Bierce
“The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.”
Ambrose Bierce
“To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Doubt is the father of invention.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.”
Ambrose Bierce
