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Erma Bombeck
Quotes by Erma Bombeck
Quotes by Erma Bombeck
“I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.”
Erma Bombeck
“Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.”
Erma Bombeck
“God created man, but I could do better.”
Erma Bombeck
“House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.”
Erma Bombeck
“Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.”
Erma Bombeck
“What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?”
Erma Bombeck
“I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.”
Erma Bombeck
“In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.”
Erma Bombeck
“Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.”
Erma Bombeck
“Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.”
Erma Bombeck
“For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.”
Erma Bombeck
“Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.”
Erma Bombeck
“Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.”
Erma Bombeck
“On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.”
Erma Bombeck
“Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.”
Erma Bombeck
“I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.”
Erma Bombeck
