“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.” Rodney Dangerfield
“My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.” Rodney Dangerfield
“We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.” Rodney Dangerfield
“My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.” Rodney Dangerfield
“Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.” Rodney Dangerfield
“With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.” Rodney Dangerfield
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” Rodney Dangerfield
“At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.” Rodney Dangerfield
“My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.” Rodney Dangerfield
“My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.” Rodney Dangerfield
“Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.” Rodney Dangerfield
