“My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.”

Joan Rivers View all quotes by Joan Rivers

More from Joan Rivers

“I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.” Joan Rivers

“It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.” Joan Rivers

“I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.” Joan Rivers