“Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.”

Joan Rivers View all quotes by Joan Rivers

More from Joan Rivers

“I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.” Joan Rivers

“It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.” Joan Rivers

“I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.” Joan Rivers