Ron White

“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” Ron White

FunnyLifePartyFunLemonVodka

“The next time you have a thought... let it go.” Ron White

FunnyLifeTimeFunHaveThought

“I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.” Ron White

“I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow.” Ron White

“People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.” Ron White

“Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.” Ron White

“You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.” Ron White

“Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!” Ron White

“I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.” Ron White

“You can't fix stupid.” Ron White

LifeStupidWiseWisdomFun

“I do live like a rock star, but it's not as great as it sounds. It's a lot of traveling.” Ron White

“Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.” Ron White

“I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine.” Ron White

“There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.” Ron White

“I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em.” Ron White

“The hardest that I've laughed at a movie was probably Team America. I laughed 'til I thought I was just gonna throw up. I almost had to turn it off.” Ron White

“I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child.” Ron White

“I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.” Ron White

“Everybody I know is a joke writer.” Ron White

“I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative.” Ron White

“My only goal is to make you laugh, not tell you the truth.” Ron White

“You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.” Ron White

“I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative. If you're a painter and someone stretches your canvas, it was collaborative on some level.” Ron White

“There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.” Ron White

“I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.” Ron White

BadGoodLifeWiseWorkPartBigSmall

“When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.” Ron White

“I don't do any corporate work.” Ron White

“My goal is just to become a better comedian.” Ron White

“The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can't even spell. I don't even have a high school diploma. I'm smart, but you can't prove it on paper.” Ron White

“There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.” Ron White