Mitch Hedberg “I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.” Mitch Hedberg View all quotes by Mitch Hedberg →
“I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.” Mitch Hedberg
“An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.” Mitch Hedberg
