“I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.”

Mitch Hedberg View all quotes by Mitch Hedberg

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“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” Mitch Hedberg

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“An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.” Mitch Hedberg