Quotes

“Now I believe I can hear the philosophers protesting that it can only be misery to live in folly, illusion, deception and ignorance, but it isn't -it's human.” Desiderius Erasmus

“The nearer people approach old age the closer they return to a semblance of childhood, until the time comes for them to depart this life, again like children, neither tired of living nor aware of death.” Desiderius Erasmus

“Everyone knows that by far the happiest and universally enjoyable age of man is the first. What is there about babies which makes us hug and kiss and fondle them, so that even an enemy would give them help at that age?” Desiderius Erasmus

“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.” William Claude Dukenfield

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” William Claude Dukenfield

“No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.” William Claude Dukenfield

“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.” William Claude Dukenfield

“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.” William Claude Dukenfield

“You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.” William Claude Dukenfield

“A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.” William Claude Dukenfield

“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.” William Claude Dukenfield

“I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.” William Claude Dukenfield

“I like children - fried.” William Claude Dukenfield

“I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.” William Claude Dukenfield

“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.” William Claude Dukenfield

“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.” William Claude Dukenfield

“There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.” William Claude Dukenfield

“Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.” William Claude Dukenfield

“The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.” William Claude Dukenfield

“The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.” William Claude Dukenfield