Quotes

“You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.” Phyllis Diller

“Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” Phyllis Diller

“What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” Phyllis Diller

“If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.” Phyllis Diller

“I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.” Phyllis Diller

“My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.” Phyllis Diller

“You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.” Phyllis Diller

“There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.” Phyllis Diller

“I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'” Phyllis Diller

“Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.” Phyllis Diller

“Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.” Phyllis Diller

“The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.” Phyllis Diller

“Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.” Phyllis Diller

“The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.” Phyllis Diller

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” Abraham Lincoln

“America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.” Abraham Lincoln

“Labor is prior to, and independent of, capital. Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if labor had not first existed. Labor is the superior of capital, and deserves much the higher consideration.” Abraham Lincoln

“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.” Abraham Lincoln

“In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.” Abraham Lincoln

“A friend is one who has the same enemies as you have.” Abraham Lincoln

“Any people anywhere, being inclined and having the power, have the right to rise up, and shake off the existing government, and form a new one that suits them better. This is a most valuable - a most sacred right - a right, which we hope and believe, is to liberate the world.” Abraham Lincoln

“You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.” Abraham Lincoln

“All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” Abraham Lincoln

“Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.” Abraham Lincoln

“Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” Abraham Lincoln

“The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew.” Abraham Lincoln

“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.” Abraham Lincoln

“We the people are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution.” Abraham Lincoln

“Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the Earth.” Abraham Lincoln

“A woman is the only thing I am afraid of that I know will not hurt me.” Abraham Lincoln