“Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.” Patrick Jake O Rourke
“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” Patrick Jake O Rourke FunnyLifeChildrenPeopleEverybodyKnowsRaiseExcept
“Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.” Patrick Jake O Rourke FunnyMoneyPowerGivingFunGovernmentWhiskeyCarKeysTeenageBoys
“The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you're rich.” Patrick Jake O Rourke
“The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.” Patrick Jake O Rourke
“If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.” Patrick Jake O Rourke
“Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.” Patrick Jake O Rourke FunnyDifficultyDisciplineParents
“There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.” Patrick Jake O Rourke
“When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are” Patrick Jake O Rourke
“Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.” Patrick Jake O Rourke FunnyGoodFunDieReadAlwaysMakeLookMiddle
“You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.” Patrick Jake O Rourke
“Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.” Patrick Jake O Rourke
“America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.” Patrick Jake O Rourke
“In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.” Patrick Jake O Rourke
“I think it's been hard for people to understand how Islam can be a good religion, and yet the Islamists are evil. Those of us who have had experience with Islam understand this, just as we understand the difference between snake handlers and people going to church on Sunday morning.” Patrick Jake O Rourke
“The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.” Patrick Jake O Rourke
“Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present.” Patrick Jake O Rourke
“Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.” Patrick Jake O Rourke
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.” Patrick Jake O Rourke
“Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.” Patrick Jake O Rourke
