Fun quotes

“I have had more trouble with myself than with any other man.” Dwight Lyman Moody

“A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.” Christopher Morley

“Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting.” Christopher Morley

“What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's transparency.” George Jean Nathan

“I drink to make other people interesting.” George Jean Nathan

“Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.” Patrick Jake O Rourke

“Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.” Patrick Jake O Rourke

“The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.” Joan Rivers

“Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.” Will Rogers

“I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” Rita Rudner

“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.” Rita Rudner

“A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.” Rita Rudner

“I am an idealist. I don't know where I'm going but I'm on my way.” Carl Sandburg

“We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” Virginia Satir

“Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.” Jerry Seinfeld

“I'm like tax. You're going to pay one way or the other.” Shaquille O Neal

“You can't process me with a normal brain.” Charlie Sheen

“I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen.” Charlie Sheen

“I have one speed, I have one gear: go!” Charlie Sheen

“Yesterday's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why.” Hunter Stockton Thompson

“It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.” Harry Truman

“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” Lana Turner

“A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.” Lana Turner

“There are two great rules of life: never tell everything at once.” Ken Venturi

“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.” Orson Welles

“Nobody gets justice. People only get good luck or bad luck.” Orson Welles

“Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.” Mae West

“The only sense that is common in the long run, is the sense of change and we all instinctively avoid it.” Elwyn Brooks White

“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” Ron White

“The next time you have a thought... let it go.” Ron White